Functional, Not Fine” – A Personal Reflection

By Justin H. Tucker

They say, “Don’t be afraid to share with your people.”

But the truth is—I’ve tried.

And what I’ve learned is that the hardest thing isn’t being vulnerable… it’s being vulnerable and misunderstood.

Because too often, the responses come packaged in clichés.

“Just pray on it.”

“You strong, you’ll bounce back.”

“Everyone’s going through something.”

I know those lines. I’ve heard them all. And not once did they speak directly to my pain.

What I’ve craved—what so many people like me crave—is not advice.

It’s acknowledgment.

To be seen. To be felt. To be understood without having to break down to prove you’re broken.

I think I started experiencing functional depression in 1996, when I lost the person who knew my soul best—my grandfather.

He was more than family. He was the anchor. He looked at me and saw me in a way no one else could.

I didn’t feel that again until years later when I met my friend Briant Rowe. May he rest in peace.

Since then, I’ve just kept moving.

I’ve functioned. I’ve performed. I’ve produced.

Degrees. Jobs. Certifications. Titles.

I’ve poured into youth, adults, and elders. I’ve led. I’ve mentored. I’ve created spaces for others to heal.

All while I’ve been slowly bleeding under the surface.

And here’s the thing—on paper, I should be thriving.

• Two Master’s degrees.
• Licensed school counselor.
• College communications professor.
• Officer in the US Army National Guard
• Over a decade supporting youth from kindergarten to college.
• Five years helping adults and seniors with careers and transitions.

I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying that to explain how easy it is for someone like me to look fine while silently unraveling.

They call it functional depression—or high-functioning depression.

It’s not a clinical diagnosis in the DSM, but it’s a very real experience.

It’s what happens when you show up for work, smile in public, keep hitting your deadlines…

while inside, you’re tired. Hopeless. Questioning everything.

But no one sees it because you “seem good.”

You seem strong.

You always “bounce back.”

But I haven’t bounced.

Not really.

And some days, I feel like I’m breaking silently because no one can hear what I’m not allowed to say out loud.

Especially not as a Black man.

Especially not as someone people depend on to keep it together.

The other day, I was on my way to an interview—one I’d worked hard for.

The door handle on my truck broke off as I was heading out. No backup car. No extra funds. No safety net.

That one moment unraveled everything.

Because I didn’t just miss an interview—I missed a lifeline.

I’ve lost work. I haven’t received unemployment. I’ve had to carry the weight of survival with no fallback.

And still, when someone asked me how I was doing, I replied:

“I’m fine. How are you?”

But I wasn’t fine.

I’m not fine.

My cup has been empty for a while.

And still, I try to pour.

I’m not writing this for pity.

I’m writing it for the people who look like they’re holding it all together, but are just barely keeping from falling apart.

The ones who grew up learning to care for everyone else and ignore their own needs.

The ones who function… but aren’t fine.

I know what it means to be overlooked.

I know what it means to feel like a stranger in the city you’re trying to serve.

I know what it means to give more than you get and still try to keep giving.

But I also know I’m not alone.

And maybe if we talk about this more—honestly—we’ll realize that healing doesn’t start with solutions.

It starts with someone finally saying:

“I see you. And I know it’s heavy.”

So to anyone else navigating life with functional depression:

You are not weak.

You are not broken.

You’re just tired from carrying too much, too long, for too many people.

Let’s normalize helping the helpers.

Let’s normalize healing the healers.

Let’s normalize being human—even when we’re strong.

📍 Written from the heart of a mentor, counselor, and survivor still choosing to believe in community—especially when it doesn’t feel like it believes in him.

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