First off I hate how much of society consumes all this bad misinformed advised from misinformed people.
Generally speaking if you take a moment and trace the credentials for a lot of the people who are popular with speaking on relationships and gender dynamics. I would charge you to consider how did they amass their knowledge in said expertise? Lived experiences are excellent but not valid alone, lived experience alone often leads to flawed view points, it doesn’t have any confirmation to clarify understanding. An example is why many of us carry trauma in our lives and hold grudges. It actually is not the severity of the account that holds us but the lack of understanding, therefore you can never reach true clarity to little go and move on. If I can drift from relationship for a moment but to some more universal principles, that’s why college education is superior to just reading at home or wherever for that matter. In both cases the application is exactly the same I agree, however the confirmation only exists for the student, who shall become a scholar. A self taught scholar needs to seek confirmation, otherwise they will often walk around with confirmation bias, or misreading key points due to the lack of nuance.
Now my bit on relationships is simple the greatest asset you all have regardless of your social identity etc. It is your individual self. I know this sounds cliche, and cheap. Understand it is the definition of you that gives experiences people have with you a nuance difference. It’s like what separates brands, Jordans or just some shoes on the rack, make it simple. I would see it as a tailored suit, where I picked out every piece down to the buttons, vs running to the store and buying a nice one off the rack like the average Joe.
You see what inspired this piece was I was scrolling through my news site, which has been really disappointing recently with its downward decent Into mayhem and media BS. I came across a thread from a far too common young man I suppose anxious about his dating odds and shared a TikTok from a lady describing the standards for men to get picked. I will be honest it was a struggle to even write that sentence. I hate the mentality of the whole thing.
The custom tailored suit, that is you. A unique fabric, custom lining, adjusted measurements precise to you and who you are. Billions of people in the world, many similar, some close, but no one exactly like you. When you take that unique piece, and decide to fit to someone’s standards, you are damaging a rare product to fit trends that will change. The best thing you can do is show up as your true self. People want to judge you, that is more of indication of who they are, less a reflection of you. A white Tiger is rare and is seen as majestic and beautiful. Would you be surprised if in the wild it may be seen differently at first because tigers are orange. It’s the uniqueness of that white Coat that makes that Tiger the most beautiful of all. What if just wanted to fit the ideal standard, so instead it dyes the coat Orange….
….The reality is great things come to those who wait patiently and remain focused and driven on their purpose. You can’t force people to like you PERIOD That should be applied across social dynamics. Now I know I teach and love social etiquette, that’s about brooding your knowledge so you can be comfortable in more spaces and have additional skills, while doing all that you can still be yourself.
If you adjust your fit for someone’s liking, what happens when you get tired of that costume/mask/that adjusted fit? This is why a lot of relationships fail, we are never honest about who we are. Take an example, when I was younger and I am sure many can share a similar story. I would spend money to get my “best Look” for the first date. Hoping that would maximize my return on time invested in said party. The reality is what I usually like is how people are in the casual spaces the real world. Cause I am not trying to be out all the time. I have people to mentor, support, and dreams to fulfill.
You have these same things as well, so I would caution you on changing yourself, sometimes you have to move to other places. What doesn’t in work in one lake, may be a magnet in another. Sometimes the fish are different, water can be a reason for that. I am no way referring to dating as fishing I am using this as a metaphor more so for networking and connecting with people.
The best thing you can do is be yourself, and those that don’t like it, it’s better they reveal it sooner rather than later. It’s someone out there who is waiting to meet someone, just like you. If you change, your taking that dream away from them.
Do with this what you will. Always remeber….
Just INSPIRE
