It’s midweek, middle of the summer, and I’ve been sitting with something that comes up in almost every mentoring conversation I have with somebody building something new. Man, if I’m being real with you, I’ve lived this one myself, so this isn’t theory. This is a report from the trail.
Here’s the situation. You start moving toward your purpose. You launch the thing, share the vision, step out on the idea God put in you. And the reception from the people you know is cold. Lukewarm at best. A view without a comment. A “that’s nice” without a follow-up question. And it stings, because these are the people you figured would be first in line.
Let me get into this.
The Thirty People Problem
Do the math with me for a second. The circle of people who really know you is small. Family, some friends, coworkers, a few folks from way back. Thirty people at best. And because you know them well, their silence feels like the whole world’s verdict.
It’s not. It’s thirty people.
Meanwhile, there are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people who have never met you, who are out there right now looking for exactly what you’re building. They don’t know your history. They don’t remember your awkward phase. They will receive you the way you envisioned, and here’s what I know from experience: often they’ll receive you with much more than you envisioned.
I’m gonna say that again because I know somebody heard it but you missed it. The people who know you best are not automatically the audience for what you’re becoming. Those are two different rooms.
Take Them Off That High Shelf
Part of the frustration is where we place people. We put the folks we know on a high shelf and hand them the scorecard. Their opinion counts triple. Their silence echoes.
Take them off that shelf. They’re just normal, like everyone else. They’ve got their own worries, their own bills, their own stalled dreams. Some of them can’t celebrate your climb because it shines a light on the climb they never started. That’s not evil. That’s human. But it does mean their reaction is information about them, not a measurement of you.
And here’s the part nobody wants to say out loud. Sometimes the only people with something bad to say are the ones who know you. Strangers are out here rooting for you while somebody at the cookout is doing commentary. If that’s the case, you don’t have a quality problem. You have a proximity problem.
Jaded Judges Don’t Get a Vote
I call them jaded judges. People who stopped believing in their own possibilities somewhere along the way, and now they hand out verdicts from the bench of their own disappointment. They’ll tell you the market is saturated. They’ll tell you to be realistic. They’re not judging your work. They’re rehearsing their own story.
In our 6 Circles to Purpose training, one of the six circles is community, and we teach it plainly: who you let speak into your life shapes what you believe is possible for your life. That’s not a feel-good line. That’s mechanics. Your sense of what’s realistic is built from the voices you keep closest.
So don’t lose faith in yourself because the wrong jury came back with a cold verdict. They were never supposed to be in the jury box.
Chat With Another Mountain Climber
Here’s the move, and I want you to hold onto this one. When you’re scaling the mountain, chat with another mountain climber. Somebody who knows what the altitude feels like. Somebody who has slipped, roped back up, and kept climbing. They’ll give you real feedback because they know the difference between a hard route and a wrong route.
Stop taking climbing advice from people who stay in the valley and never leave. The valley isn’t a character flaw. Some people are content there, and that’s their right. But a person who has never made the climb cannot tell you what the climb requires. When they look up at you and say it’s too dangerous, too far, too much, they’re describing their view from the valley floor. That was never your view.
I’ll be honest with you. Early on, I let a handful of lukewarm reactions from people I knew slow me down for longer than I’d like to admit. It happens, man. What changed everything was realizing the people I was waiting on were never my assignment. The ones I was called to serve didn’t know my name yet. They were waiting on me to stop waiting.
The Challenge
So here it is. I challenge you this week to do two things.
First, shed the frustration. Release those thirty people from the job you gave them. They never applied for it. Love them where they are, and stop handing them the scorecard.
Second, find one mountain climber. One person who is actually building, actually climbing, actually further up the trail than you. Have one real conversation about your vision with them. Watch how different that feedback feels in your body.
There are people out there ready for you, just as you are. Go find your room.
Ready to go deeper? Explore the 6 Circles to Purpose Leadership Training and learn how young leaders build the community circle that carries their vision. Or bring the program to your school or organization.
JustINSPIRE Mentoring is a mentoring-based organization focused on helping youth, emerging leaders, and communities grow with clarity, confidence, discipline, purpose, and expression. Learn more at justinspirementoring.online
