A narcissist is often defined as someone with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration, sometimes at the expense of others. They may lack empathy, exploit relationships, or carry themselves with arrogance and entitlement. At its most extreme, narcissism is diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — a persistent and destructive pattern of these behaviors.
Core Traits of Narcissism
- Grandiosity — A sense of superiority and entitlement
- Need for admiration — Constant craving for praise and validation
- Lack of empathy — Difficulty relating to others’ feelings
- Exploitative behavior — Using others to achieve personal goals
- Arrogance and entitlement — Expecting special treatment without earning it
- Fragile self-esteem — Easily wounded by criticism despite the outward confidence
It’s easy to see why narcissism gets a bad name. Left unchecked, these behaviors erode trust, hurt relationships, and isolate the person exhibiting them.
The Hidden Upside
But here’s the truth we don’t often talk about:
Not all narcissistic traits are inherently bad. In certain environments — especially ones that do not naturally encourage, support, or propel people forward — elements of narcissism can be survival tools.
When you grow up in a world that constantly doubts you, limits you, or refuses to give you opportunities, believing deeply in your own worth (even to an “exaggerated” level) can be the fuel that drives you to break through.
- Grandiosity can feel like delusion to outsiders, but for someone starting with nothing, it’s often the vision needed to imagine a better life.
- Need for admiration can translate into a strong drive to achieve, create, or lead.
- Belief in uniqueness can be a shield against an environment trying to blend you into the background.
Why Some People Need That Spirit to Rise
In underserved communities, ambition isn’t always nurtured. Sometimes it’s mocked. Self-confidence is mistaken for arrogance. The drive to stand out is called “doing too much.”
In those settings, a dash of narcissism — the belief that you’re capable of more, worthy of more, destined for more — can keep you moving when every external factor is telling you to stop.
Of course, this has to be tempered with empathy, humility, and purpose. Narcissism without self-awareness becomes destructive. But harnessed with the right intent, it can become self-belief on steroids — the kind that fuels athletes, innovators, entrepreneurs, and leaders.
My Narcissism Saved Me
For me, narcissism isn’t just a concept in a psychology textbook — it’s part of why I’m still here, and part of why I’ve succeeded.
It was my audacity to believe I could make it happen, in spite of everything working against me. I am a Black man who loves the idea of education — who believes deeply that college is a gateway to success for Black and Brown men. In a country where the narrative around us is often negative, dismissive, or outright hostile, that audacity is my shield and my engine.
If I didn’t have my share of narcissism, I wouldn’t have the fire to inspire with my words. I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have. I’d be punching a clock, working a job to survive — instead of building a movement that changes lives and shapes futures for the better.
I am arrogant enough to believe I’m that good.
Bold enough to believe I’m that great.
And that belief is what fuels my work every single day.
When Arrogance Becomes a Weapon for Good
History is full of people who were called arrogant, self-absorbed, or “too full of themselves” — but who used that belief in their own greatness to push past doubt, rejection, and obstacles.
- Muhammad Ali — Called “too cocky” long before he became a boxing legend. His unapologetic declarations — “I am the greatest!” — were seen as arrogance, but they were also affirmations. He spoke his destiny before the world saw it.
- Serena Williams — Criticized for her confidence and self-belief, Serena turned that fire into a career that redefined women’s tennis and broke barriers for Black athletes globally.
- Kanye West (early career) — Before the controversy, Kanye was dismissed as “too arrogant” to ever make it as a rapper-producer. His unshakable belief that he could change music history made The College Dropout and a legacy that still influences the industry.
- LeBron James — Called “The Chosen One” before he ever stepped onto an NBA court, LeBron faced criticism for embracing that label. But his drive to live up to it made him one of the greatest basketball players in history, on and off the court.
- Oprah Winfrey — Early in her career, Oprah’s self-assuredness in her abilities and vision made some see her as “overly ambitious.” That same vision built a media empire and redefined daytime television.
The Takeaway
Narcissism, in its extreme form, is harmful. But some of its traits — confidence, vision, resilience, and a refusal to shrink — can be powerful when cultivated intentionally. In environments that lack encouragement or upward momentum, this kind of self-assuredness might be the spark that turns potential into achievement.
The challenge is learning to channel it without letting it consume you.
